You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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