I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
