The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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