I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
