I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
