My cat gives me a boner
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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