Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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