This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
