i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
