So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
