Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
