So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
