I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
