fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
