You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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