remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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