You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
