I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
