hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
