She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
