STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
