So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
