We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
