Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
