My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
