My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
