She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
