Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
