i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
