I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
