her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
