It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
