I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
