Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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