Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
