if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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