I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
