My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
