i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
