I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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