Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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