I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
