I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
