literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
