Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
