butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
