thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
