I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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