i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
