anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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