we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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