Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
