I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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