Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
