Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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