So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
