I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
